It is often said that the number one cause of divorce, is marriage.
It’s better to know what you’re getting into beforehand. Not setting ground rules and responsibilities will not help along the way and it’s easier to tackle these subjects now that you are in a very loving stage and not later when you are annoyed, tired, or unsure if you want to stay in the marriage.
Being a divorce lawyer, Kelly Chang Rickert reveals on “forbes.com” 5 questions you should definitely ask your partner before getting married:
1. Can You Stick to A Budget? How Do You Normally Manage Money?
Talking about money is not the most pleasant thing in the world. It is no surprise many people try to avoid it at all costs, but it’s important to get to know your partner’s financial situation.
It’s also important to know if your partner can stick to a budget, how much you will both contribute to the household, and or if any of you will not be working. For example, if you plan on starting a family soon after getting married, will one of you temporarily or permanently stop working in order to take care of your newborn baby?
How many children do you want, if any?
The birth and upbringing of children is a critical issue. Some men and women want no children, some just one, and some a house full of children.
Discuss the children’s timeline. Can you wait comfortably? Or do you need to get started right away?
And what if you can’t get pregnant? would you adopt? Are you trying fertile treatments? “I have handled divorces where the husband leaves because the wife is infertile and vice versa. IVF is a very difficult circumstance and not all couples can afford it,” said Chang Rickert.
This is a big deal. The house doesn’t clean itself and the meals don’t cook themselves.
Who will cook Who will clean?
When partners come from different backgrounds, it’s normal they have an idea of how often they should clean and who should do it.
However, starting your life together means that you should establish these settings again so that no one feels overwhelmed with the housework, or uncomfortable because it’s not clean enough.
“If you both have full-time jobs, you need to discuss household chores or your house is going to be a big mess,” Chang Rickert said.
This is a BIG one. After children, sex life can decrease. Be ready to discuss what happens if a person has to travel for an extended period of time.
Discuss the ideal frequency and make sure you find similar activities enjoyable. When the honeymoon phase is over, you don’t want to find out that you’re mismatched in bed, just that you’re attracted to each other.
“That’s another big one,” Chang Rickert said. “I’ve dealt with divorces from people who didn’t share the same fitness lifestyle.”
Over the years, the toll of not taking care of your health can mount, so think about the long-term effects.
These questions are just the starting point. It will be a tough conversation that will save you a lot of conflict in the future.